I really got back to throwing clay today. It was SO incredibly liberating to sit at my wheel and create things from a lump of clay. It’s freeing. Grounding. Satisfying. And while I jump back into my artist life attempting to get caught up and finish things I should’ve finished MONTHS ago, something came to mind.
Healing is hard.
It’s no joke. The destruction of a relationship, no matter from what angle you stand, is an ending that many individuals are not always ready for. There are questions and answers that you have to figure out on your own and with a great deal of self-reliance. Healing is hard when you want to just stay in bed, under the covers, and not take part in the day that is starting.
There are a lot of ‘selfs’ … reliance, loathing, caring, consciousness, harm … I’ve visited them all in the past 10 months. More than once. I suppose it is the time spent on processing that helps us heal. Revisiting moments that you might not want to remember. Questioning the motives, reliving scenes like your mind is your own private cinema. Constantly asking why everything had to happen the way it did. Why me?
But you take steps. Little ones and big ones. Many steps forward and sometimes, the steps go backwards. Fact of life.
I however, take solace in believing every step I take is a triumph that moves me forward. Every step I am a bit more aware of who I am, what I want from life, and how I will get there. Every step is a reminder to find gratitude in the challenges I face everyday. There are silver linings. I get to see them everyday when I think of the things I am thankful for. I am quite pleased with the direction I’m going. And ever-loving thankful for the persons in my life sharing this path with me.
If you would, please find a moment to look up the song, All that Matters, sung by Christina Perri. It is from the musical Finding Neverland. While I’ve not seen the show, the music speaks to me. This song in particular, stands out.
… all that matters now
is where we go from here
there’s an easier way if we live for today
to find that all we are, is all that matters…
Go out there and find your silver linings. We all have them. We just have to look a little harder than we thought once in a while. And it’s SO worth it.